Estelle

She knew that the move was the best for her. She was the girl that wanted the romance and love from all the wrong people. There were plenty of people who would have loved her. Who would have been the one to support all her endeavours and be committed to everything she wanted in a relationship. But these people, she could not or rather would not have anything to do with. She was all about the challenge. She wanted to know that she won and the prize was something no one else could get. There was nothing more satisfying than that feeling of accomplishment. It felt as good as finishing that great book that you know you will always quote from. Like a J. Austen novel made her feel. But then she finally had taken control of her life. When things ended with Casey, she knew that her life would never be the same. She knew that he had made her realize that she walked a path of destruction. She knew that she needed a change. The first big change being where she lived. She had changed her environment first be able to to begin healing and changing herself. Having grown up in the Bay Area of California she wanted a change that was shocking enough but not so drastic that she would give up immediately. She knew the east coast was the place, not too far and not too close. He mom and sisters would be throwing enough of a fit already at the idea of her move, but anything further than a five hour flight would be too much for them. DC was the place she knew she wanted to be. Even in high school she wanted to leave after senior year and be in DC. She was talked out of it by her high school boyfriend thus beginning her destructive judgment when it came to her lovers. She used to make excuses for her behavior while with Landyn because she was so young and inexperienced, but as she fixated only on a certain dramatic characteristic she grew to realize that it wasn’t youth that made her act the way she did then. It was a lack of knowledge of herself. She knew exactly what she wanted, but until now, did not know how to communicate it with herself or others. Her needs were completely lost and she wouldn’t be able to retrieve them until years later.