Estelle

She knew that the move was the best for her. She was the girl that wanted the romance and love from all the wrong people. There were plenty of people who would have loved her. Who would have been the one to support all her endeavours and be committed to everything she wanted in a relationship. But these people, she could not or rather would not have anything to do with. She was all about the challenge. She wanted to know that she won and the prize was something no one else could get. There was nothing more satisfying than that feeling of accomplishment. It felt as good as finishing that great book that you know you will always quote from. Like a J. Austen novel made her feel. But then she finally had taken control of her life. When things ended with Casey, she knew that her life would never be the same. She knew that he had made her realize that she walked a path of destruction. She knew that she needed a change. The first big change being where she lived. She had changed her environment first be able to to begin healing and changing herself. Having grown up in the Bay Area of California she wanted a change that was shocking enough but not so drastic that she would give up immediately. She knew the east coast was the place, not too far and not too close. He mom and sisters would be throwing enough of a fit already at the idea of her move, but anything further than a five hour flight would be too much for them. DC was the place she knew she wanted to be. Even in high school she wanted to leave after senior year and be in DC. She was talked out of it by her high school boyfriend thus beginning her destructive judgment when it came to her lovers. She used to make excuses for her behavior while with Landyn because she was so young and inexperienced, but as she fixated only on a certain dramatic characteristic she grew to realize that it wasn’t youth that made her act the way she did then. It was a lack of knowledge of herself. She knew exactly what she wanted, but until now, did not know how to communicate it with herself or others. Her needs were completely lost and she wouldn’t be able to retrieve them until years later.

Billy

I’m not sure I want to go out tonight.

Oh, come on. It’ll be fun. Please…for me? She says. I know she's batting those thick eyelashes of hers. I couldn’t help it.

Fine, I’ll go, but don’t expect me to have fun.

You’ll have fun…after a few drinks.

Yeah, I guess you’re right. I sighed. At that, we both laughed.

She had been so good to me since the move. The city felt so foreign to me, although I lived only fifteen minutes away my whole life. But she, having grown up in the city, knew exactly where to go and how to get there. I appreciated that.

I’ll meet you there in an hour.

Ok, see ya there!

I hang the phone up and walk to my closet. What to wear…what to wear, I think to myself as I brush my hands across my shirts that were hanging. The day had been wet and cold, as usual for January, so the short black mini was definitely out. Jeans and a nice plain tee and jacket would do nicely.

An hour and a half later, outfit, hair, make-up done, I’m standing at the bar, alone. It was pretty crowded, as expected for a Saturday night. A woman was yelling to everyone in the bar to go upstairs for cake. I guess it’s her birthday. As I smile at her hanging from the railing, my cell buzzes in my jacket pocket. I scramble to pick it up.

Hey! We are totally running late, she screams in my ear.

Yeah? Wait…we? I knew this was a set-up.

I’ve got two people with me.

Who?

You’ll see. We’re walking up now.

I shut the flip down on my cell and automatically look at the door. I wonder who she could be bringing. The door opens again and I see them. I hadn’t seen him is a while. I smile. He smiles back. I walk over.

Hey you! I didn’t know you were coming? I say to him.

Well, I decided last minute to join you guys.

Ok, then let’s drink. I say. Then notice someone else.

Hi, I say to him offering my hand. He takes it lightly and introduces himself. I smile at him and think to myself that I was glad I came out.

I'm a FRAUD!

DUDE...! I am such a fraud! I just figured this out the other day.

Here is how I happened upon my fraudness:

I left work on Monday not really motivated to work out and decided that shopping would be the better exercise for me. I went to an area of D.C. called Friendship Heights where I knew I could get my Santa Fe salad from the Cheesecake Factory and MJ's Daisy all on the same block. I was on a mission! After a satisfactory salad and too much bread and soda, I went rummaging through sale racks and sniffing perfumes and cologne.


When I walked out of the shops, Daisy and shirt in bag, I wasn't ready to go home and looked up to see a Borders! What better way to kill some time then to spend it looking up books! I wandered in and first looked at the "sale" bin and seeing it was full of pretty flowered post it notes and Hannah Montana calendars, I quickly retreated to the Children's Books section. With my niece's birthday and a friend's baby shower coming up, I looked at what fun educational book I could get for them as I am notorious for the learning toys. 20 minutes pass quickly and with nothing impressive, I walk towards my favorite section: Literature. There I spent another 20-30 minutes skimming through each aisle picking up a few that caught my eye, reading the inserts to get a more accurate account of each story, and taking in the smell of new books. This is my "happy place"!


The smile slowly creeps away from my face as I read the title of the next book I pick up, "First They Killed My Father: A Daughter Cambodia Remembers" by Loung Ung. There is a slight pain that is shooting in my chest. On the cover, a young girl with a piece of paper covering her nose and mouth with a name and number on it used by the infamous Khmer Rouge who terrorized Cambodia for the better end of the 70's. I looked into the girls eyes and thought for a moment that I should relate to this girl because we descent from the same people. I should know what her struggles were/are and I should be proud that the author is able to now voice this tragic story for others to read. The reality is that I had nothing in common with this girl. I was a born American and lived a very American life. I knew nothing about being enslaved by a group of people and forced to work long hours with no pay and scraps to eat. I am American...I had a highschool sweetheart...learned how to drive at 16...celebrated national holidays...watched cartoons on Sunday mornings...I only knew how to be an American. Yes, I learned my native language and yes, I knew how to be respectful of my elders, but I had no idea what I would do if ever I were left in Cambodia alone. I would be LOST!

After finding a desk nearest to me, I sat down and skimmed through the book. I read excerpts from the book which made my heart cry out even more. She, having gone through this horrific experience, is smiling on the back of the book. I felt like a fraud! I moved to D.C. to write my novel, but instead of being inspired by my culture and history, I am inspired by past relationships and those of my friends. All of a sudden, I thought to all the pages and words I had written and felt them unworthy compared to this novel. How could I put so much thought and effort into such a frivolous subject!

So here in lies my problem...Am I a fraud for not knowing my history as I should? or Am I a fraud for writing about love and relationships when there are so many other problems that weigh so much more in the world?

Why I Think The World Will End Soon...

When moving to the other side of the country, I acknowledged the fact that the severe weather change would be difficult for my sensitive native Californian self, but I did not think that Mother Nature would put me through the ringer as she has been doing the last 8 months. My closet has turned from year round clothes to seasonal wardrobe which isn't terrible because shopping is fun for me. I thought Winter would be the toughest for me with rain and snow and 20 degree weather, but it turns out that I was so so wrong. We are technically still in Spring seeing as the Summer is 12 days away and the sun is fierce! I was definitely not prepared for the 95 degrees; 100 with humidity; thunder; lightning; with storms so hard that it that when getting caught in it last week, I was so soaking wet that not only did my cell get water-damage, but my sneakers took two whole days and a round in the dryer to be wearable again.

Just last weekend, me and roommates and friends had a BBQ at home which looked like it would be a great day. About 10 minutes after putting the meat on the grill, the sky started to roar and lightning shot through the clouds as the rain began to pour. And poor Mikey ran back and forth from our back door to the grill to check on the food. His clothes and shoes drenched even the next day from a storm that lasted about an hour. With every lightning both we both ducked as if they were aimed directly at us. And with every duck of the head, we laughed. It was nice that there was another native Californian to share in this experience. After the storm passed, the rest of the day was perfect. It was as if there had been no storm at all. This weather, I tell ya!

This weekend was much of the same. Lightning and thunder and rain for 20 minutes, which made me cancel and remake plans for the night. I went back and forth about whether I should be out or not. I opted for out after the rain seemed like it wasn't returning and thankfully, it didn't. The night was beautiful until the next day when I woke up in a pool of my own sweat realizing that it was about 80 degrees at 8am. It didn't stop there though, as the day progressed so did the heat and humidity. The higher the temperature, the humity added another 5 degrees. As I sat in my living room still as can be and trying to stay cool, the thought crossed my mind that this is just not normal. I mean how can it be this hot with no sign of of it letting up? In that moment I was convinced that Mother Nature is telling us that we are done! WOW! What an epiphany!

Love & Lust

OK...So I was a bit angry when I wrote this, but I wanted to share it anyway...

Love and Lust
Two very different things
I was blinded by lust
Blinded by the thought of love
How has this happened
Strong and independent
As I am perceived
I lost it with the idea of you
Love, I thought
Was something we formed
But I was absolutely
And utterly wrong
Wrong about you
Wrong about myself
Wrong about us
How easily love fades to anger
How powerful it is
The instant one hears it
One feels lost
Alone
Abandoned
You've left me in a haze
Feelings of myself
Discheveled
Unsure
I'm trying to find that strong
Very sure
Very aware
ME
But she's nowhere to be found
This person I once was
Is now
So tainted
By you
Feelings of love and anger
Mixed together
Can truly be a dangerous thing
What can be done
What should be done
What would be done
Nothing
The truth is
The anguish
Frustration
And embarassment
I feel
Is just that
The anger I feel
Is dealt with on my own terms
See
Because
Now we are back to me
I am the one
Left lost
Alone
Abandoned
Remember
I am the one
Left to pick up the pieces
You shattered
The walls must be replaced
Now
I depend
On only me
In the end
As always before
I am my one true love
This love
True to me
Faithful to me
Completely in love with me
This love will and has
Stood the test of years
Past
And years
To come
Though
I don't regret
All we had
I am sorry it happened
But not sorry for you
Not sorry
That in the end
You've come out on top
Your needs have been met
A comfort
You must get from that
Is the one thing
That makes the anger
Boil inside of me
The thought of your contentment
Keeps me laying awake
Through the night
Of to know
You were suffering
If only for a little bit
Would make me feel
Better
My path to take now
Is towards self
I have taught myself a few lessons
Indeed
But the fairytale had to end
Right
The credits are ready to roll
You had the starring role
And me
I was simply an extra
To be exposed
And left
To the side
Nevermind my future
My life
My heart
As long as your's
Had the happy ending.

I'm Back!

I know...I know...It has been so long since I've updated my BLOG, but I have actually been pretty busy in the last couple of months. I've had Christmas at home with the family, a birthday celebration in Vegas, an attempt to find a way to quit one job for the other, and many days of working on my novel, all with somewhat of a broken heart. HMMMM...The last couple of months have been quite interesting. Ok so lets start from the beginning...

Christmas and New Years in Cali

It had been 3 full months since I first left to embark on self full-fillment or rather the attempt of it. I was pretty excited about coming home, mostly because I missed my family and friends a lot. My flight was turbulence-filled but that wasn't the reason my stomach was turning...I was nervous to see my family. I had never been without them for more than a week at a time in my entire 26 years and here I was on my way to see them after 3 months! My sister picked me up from the airport and even though we talked everyday and sometimes twice a day since I've been gone, I jumped when I saw her. We smiled and hugged and then things were completely normal. My nephews and niece had grown so much that I was saddened when I walked in the house and saw them asleep in their beds so different than when I left them. One nephew who was now standing basically eye to eye with me at the age of 11; the other who talked non-stop about everything with precise accounts; and then there was my beautiful niece who remembered me. When I picked her up and she smiled, I thought I would melt. After heart-felt greetings with the rest of my family which included my parents, 2 other sisters, my bro-in-law, and my baby cousin, I was HOME. I had 13 days to celebrate Christmas, celebrate New Years, make my rounds and EAT as much home cooked meals as I could...And that is exactly what I did. I watched my sister and mom cook as I tasted and ate. I hung out with my friends and drank and partied and took lots of pictures. It felt great to be back home where everything was familiar and cozy, but 10 days into it, I was definitely ready to come back home. Especially since I felt like I was repeating myself everytime I visited someone..."Yes, I love D.C...It's a great fit for me...Well right now I'm working 2 part-time jobs...I know the weather can get pretty bad...I'm getting used to it...Yes, I've met some really nice people...It's definitely nice to be back...No, I'm staying until New Years"...My leaving had mixed emotions. I wouldn't see my kiddies for a while, but my sisters would meet me in Vegas for my birthday in just a month. Then off I went to the airport that would bring me to my new home. I was in DC by Jan 6th and it felt great to be back!

The BIG 2-7! Monumental!

As January slowly ends and February approaches, I become excited for 4 reasons...

1. I LOVE when its my BIRTHDAY because it's the only time I can act like a brat and not feel bad about it, even though I almost always do anyway.
2. I get to see my sisters, Bro, and the selected friends that would join me.
3. I could party like a ROCK freakin STAR in Vegas of all places.
and finally...
4. Having been on a pretty strict workout/diet for the past month and losing a few pounds, I was excited to show off my new body!

We all landed at separate times, me being the second to last to arrive. I had literally an hour after checking in to be dolled up for the first round of partying. I had 4 full nights of partying and it started right away. It actually started on the plane with a shot vodka! That was pretty much the rest of the weekend. I forgot about DC and what I was going through and partied like I was 21 all over again. I met people who I had no interest in and nothing in common with, but seemed genuinely interested enough in their conversation to talk all night with. I met a whole Canadian Soccer team who were only interested in white women, but seemed to think that I was hot enough for them...I guess...There was a lot of partying...constant drinking...and eating all the things that I did not allow myself the past month...I was definitely worried that Patrick would be mad, but somehow I knew he'd understand! QUICK shout to Bobby Flay's MESA GRILL...The food was AWESOME. I was the first one up in the morning/afternoon and the last one down in at night/morning. I was running on steam/alcohol and by the time Monday evening came around....I was completely EXHAUSTED...As I sat in the airport waiting to board my plane, my eyes grew heavier and heavier. I took my seat, closed my eyes and when I opened them, we were at Dulles. I had slept pretty peacefully the entire flight...The first for me...I did wake up ready to start my day right away since I had a workout scheduled in a couple of hours...I was back to life...

Money or Sanity? Which would you choose?

I thought I really lucked out having found a job literally a day after getting to D.C. But, my sense of luck surely began to diminish the more and more I spent time in this job...This is my rant for a newer and better job, so please bare with me a few more lines...I am essentially an assistant which is fine, but treated as if I didn't finish high school/or college...didn't major in English...didn't work in a law firm for the last SEVEN years, which makes me pretty capable of a lot of things. I am MICRO-MANAGED so intensely to the point where every piece of work I produce is scrutinized down to every dot of the i and cross of the t...which drives me completely INSANE...I would understand if what I was doing could somehow save a life in Iraq or produce a solution to homelessness and poverty, but its NOT! It's mostly data entry which requires very little brain activity...So why? I ask...WHY?

I do actually have a second part-time gig that helps me to keep my brain stimulated. I absolutely adore this job, the entire place including all the employees and my boss...I am in a better mood when I'm there and it makes my life easier. The obvious choice is for me to quite one for the other, but this second job will not pay me what I need to actually live off of. So here lies my dilemma...Money or Sanity...Only time will tell. OK, my rant is over!

Mi Novella!

I am really really excited about my novel. I cannot say much about what it will be about, but I will talk about my process in getting here...I have always written down thoughts, ideas, stories. When I first got to college, I wanted to change the world so I majored in Sociology. I took classes on urban and inner city sociology. I was determined. I would get into heated debates/arguments with other classmates about issues arising in our cities to our youth. My essays were more stories than a thesis statement with evidence to prove it. Some professors loved what I wrote and others rebuffed it, saying that I was just telling stories. I thought to myself...well yeah, I'm telling stories about what is actually happening around me...Then the second semester of my sophmore year, I took some creative writing classes and in that class and with the help of Matt Goldstein, I knew that I was a writer. I enjoyed every second of completing every assignment. It was in this class that my very first short story. The class did not seem like a class, but more of a neccesity for me. By my junior year, I changed my major to English Literature and have been writing since. For the last couple of years I have been only playing with ideas of what I wanted my novel to be about and it has only been the last few months of me being away from home that I've actually honed in on one major theme. I am now working on my character development which is fun for me because I get to create a person who I can make act, do, and live the exact way that I want them to. It is exciting...That's all I can say now...I will keep you posted on how they develop....

My Semi-Broken Heart

I'm going to keep this short and simple...I met a guy...I fell for the guy...I found out the guy was married...I cried...Now I'm over it...So there!

So now you know what I've been up to the last few months. I will be better at updating as things progress! Thanks for the support!

This Ring

Here's another one my stories...ENJOY!


This Ring



“Hey Stace, what’s up babe?”
“Wanted to see if you wanted to do something tonight?”
“Uhhh...Okay.”
“What’s with the slow answer? Have something planned already?”
“Well...Not really. I just wanted to watch the game tonight.”
“Well, I wanted us to go have dinner and maybe dancing? We haven’t been out in so long.”
“I know, but you know I hate to dance, that’s your thing. I’d rather stay home.”
“You expect me to stay home too?”
“Well, maybe you could leave work early and cook dinner? Then we can have an intimate dinner at home alone, without the hassle of the restaurants and other people.”
“But, I like the hassle. I like the other people. I like feeling like we’re doing something besides sitting on the couch. Come on, baby, it’s Friday night. I don’t even like baseball or basketball or football or whatever, anyways. I’ll just be bored. Maybe I’ll call Tanya or Shannon and we can go out.”
“It’s basketball and I don’t understand why you call them every time I suggest we stay in. Don’t you even care that I want you to stay home with me?”
“You want me to stay at home with you, doing something I hate, but you never wanna do anything with me. That’s real fair.”
“Honey, I just want to be with you tonight, away from the crowds and the noise...PLEASE.”
“Okay, fine. I’ll leave a little early and get dinner started. I’ll make lasagna.”
“Ooohhh, my favorite. Baby, you are so good to me. What kind of man deserves a wife like you?”
“You definitely don’t. It’s just that I love you too much for my own good.”
“Honey, you know I love you just as much. Stop saying things like that.”
“I’ll see you tonight. Remember: Be home by 5:30. I don’t want to eat by myself. Don’t bullshit around and get home late.”
“Ok...Ok. I’ll leave right at 5. Thanks, baby, for understanding. I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah...Yeah. See you tonight.”
“I love you, sweetie.”
“Love you more.”

******************************************************************************

Stacy looks at the clock in the kitchen: 5:45 p.m. She has just finished putting together a savorily delicious-looking lasagna. She pours wine into two glasses when she notices the time: 6 p.m. Her face turns red hot, like she just swallowed a whole habañero pepper. She stomps into the living room and picks up the phone. Dialing, her hands are shaking. She walks back into the kitchen, looking, for a moment, at the table which is set for two with food and wine under candlelight. She sits down and eats her dinner, ever so often looking up at the clock.
She finishes the last swallow of wine, when she hears keys jingling in the front door. She looks at the clock: 7:15 p.m. Mike is home. He walks in and runs up the stairs to the bedroom to change out of his work clothes. Stacy starts to clear the table, stopping only to stare at the lasagna for a few moments before throwing it into the garbage. She finishes the dishes and walks upstairs to the bathroom and turns the shower on. As she walks through the bedroom to grab her robe, their shoulders collide into each other. Mike doesn’t move out of the way, so she walks around the other side of the bed to get her robe, then hops in the shower. Mike leaves the room looking into the bathroom with a smirk on his face.
Once out of the shower, Stacy can hear the game blaring from the television and Mike is pushing buttons on the microwave. She walks to her closet and pulls out her red satin shoulder dress and her strappy, golden Manolos. With her robe still on, she sits in front of the vanity, smiling, and begins with her hair and makeup. After putting the whole ensemble on and giving herself another look in the mirror, she walks downstairs. Making sure she passes through the living room to get to the kitchen, she eyes Mike when walking by, but he’s not looking at her. His eyes are glued to the game. Kobe is on the line. She looks away and rolls her eyes so hard, it looks like she is on the verge of convulsion.
In the kitchen, she looks at the clock again: 8:30 p.m. As she sits down at the kitchen table, the doorbell rings and she jumps up. She goes to the door and in passing, Mike finally looks up. His eyes open so wide, they almost pop out their sockets. His mouth sort of moves like he wants to say something, but doesn’t when Stacy turns around to face him, showing her entire beauty. She looks at him for a moment by the door, he doesn’t say anything. He gets up, turns the television off, throws away his T.V. dinner and stomps up the stairs and slams the bedroom door. Stacy opens the front door and smiling at Shannon, turns to get her coat and purse, then walks out slamming the door on her way out.

******************************************************************************

“Wow, Shannon, this club is nice. Where’d you find it?”
“Some people from work were talking about it and since you needed a night out, I thought we should try it together.”
“Well, the people look cool and the music sounds good...Let’s get a drink before we sit down.”
“Sounds good to me...To the bar!”
“What can I get you, honey?”
“Hi, Grey Goose Raspberry Martini, please.”
“And I’ll have a Mandarin Cosmo.”
“Wow, vodka. Now I know you must be stressed. You get loaded off pear cider. What happened with Mike tonight?”
“Oh, Mikey is just Mikey. It’s the usual. He says one thing, does another. I just couldn’t sit at home through this one. I wanted to be out. Ooh, look, there’s two seats.”
“Cool. So tell me what happened this time around.”
“I’m telling you it’s the same ol’ sob story. I wanna go out...He gives me the guilt trip...I cook dinner...He’s two hours late...I get mad...He doesn’t seem to care...I leave.”
“Well, I’m glad you came out. Mike needs some time to himself tonight. You look great and all the honeys in here can not stop staring.”
“Yeah, right, how do you know it’s not you?”
“Girl, please, I ‘ve got taken written all over me.”
“And I don’t? This ring means nothing?”
“You’re taken by Michael. I’m taken in a much different way. You know what I mean.”
“Wow, this reminds me of college. Damn, it’s been a long time.”
“Remember how great it was?”
“Yeah it was great. The drama was real great. Let’s stop talking and start having some fun. No more reminiscing about college talk...No more Mikey talk...No more talk at all...Ok?”
“Whatever, but speaking of fun, look at the cutie walking this way. Look familiar to you?”
“Shannon! You didn’t!”
“Hey, you need a break from Mike.”

******************************************************************************

Stacy gets dropped off in front of the house: 2:15 a.m. She hesitates by the front door. After about five minutes of straightening her clothes and hair, she lets herself in. She takes off her shoes and tiptoes up the stairs.
As she opens the bedroom door slowly, peeking her head in first, she notices the bed is still perfectly made and Mike is not in it. She swings the door wide open, dropping her shoes where they are and goes into the bathroom. He isn’t there. She runs downstairs. He’s not in the kitchen, not in the living room, not anywhere. Her eyes are wide and she looks nervous.
She stands in the living room for a moment, takes a deep breath and goes to the linen closet and gets out a pillow and blanket. She sets them on the couch and sits down, turning the television on. ESPN is on showing highlights from the game earlier. She leaves it on, but isn’t remotely interested. Her eyes are fixed between the front door and the clock sitting on the mantle above the fireplace.
Stacy reads the clock: 3:30 a.m., when she hears Mike’s keys in the door. She automatically turns her head to face the television. Mike walks in and she looks up at him and smiles, a very little one, but a smile. He smiles back and looks relieved. He walks up the stairs to the bedroom while she sits on the couch. He changes, comes back downstairs, looks at her and gives her another smile. As soon as he starts to sit, she stands up, looking at him with what looked like a smile, but with a curl of her lips turned into a smirk. She hands him the pillow and blanket and walks away. He starts to say something, but doesn’t. Instead, he just looks away and grabs the remote.
Stacy walks up the stairs and into the room. She picks up her shoes and changes out of her dress. As she gets into bed, her eyes are puffy with tears that she’s obviously refused to let stay in any longer. Even with the tears, she doesn’t look sad, nor does she look mad. She takes a deep breath and puts her face in the pillow and continues to cry.

******************************************************************************

“Yo, Ben, it’s Mike.”
“Mike, what’s up buddy?”
“Stacy just left...with Shannon.”
“With Shannon! Yo, you know that’s trouble. Where’d they go?”
“I don’t know, but she left here with almost nothing on. I bet Shannon’s taking her to one of her clubs.”
“Oh, definitely, and you know Shannon’s a freak too. Damn, you must’ve fucked up big time.”
“I was an hour late for dinner.”
“Big fuckin’ deal. Work is work. She should know that.”
“I made this big ass deal about her cooking me dinner and I got held up talking to Steve about getting some Laker tickets for next week’s game against the Nets.”
“You called and told her it was work, right?”
“Couldn’t, she knows when I’m lying.”
“See, that’s your problem, you’re weak.”
“Whatever.”
“Ok, I mean you just don’t know how to control your woman.”
“Ohh, but she cooked me dinner, didn’t she?”
“Yeah, and she’s out right now with a freak and who knows who else and you’re at home on the phone whining about it. Like a bitch.”
“Whatever, so, what should I do?”
“My poor friend, you are so lost. I’ll tell you what you’re going to do. You’re going to get dressed and I’ll be over in 30. She wants to go out, you’re going out too.”
“Alright.”

******************************************************************************

Mike and Ben walk into the club and Ben is immediately greeted by two very attractive waitresses in mini skirts and four-inch stilettos. They each give him a kiss on the cheek and then go their separate ways. Ben walks towards the bar with Mike following slowly behind. While it is difficult for Mike to get through the crowds of people, it seemed as if the crowd part, when Ben starts to walk.
They reach the bar and Mike and Ben are separated again by another pair of attractive women. Mike sits down at the bar and orders a drink. He turns around on the stool to face the frenzied dancing crowd with his drink in his right hand. After a few minutes, his head nods to the rhythm of the music.
He’s there a few more minutes when a brown-haired, green-eyed, model-like woman walks up to him, smiles and puts her hand his shoulder. Mike looks up at her, puts up his left hand, showing his finger which is dressed rather nicely with a 2-carat diamond studded band. She takes his hand, looks at the ring, smiles at him and then begins to move her hand down his back. He immediately looks annoyed, pushes her hand away and turns from her towards the bar again. She stands there for a few minutes and then walks away looking stunned.
Mike orders another drink and looks around the club. He sees Ben across from him with girls all around, giggling and holding onto every word coming out of his mouth. Mike gives a little sigh. This is what his night is like: drinks, drinks and more drinks. He doesn’t dance, nor does he even get up off his stool the entire night.

******************************************************************************

“Man, that club was off the hook!”
“Yeah, it was cool, I guess.”
“What, you didn’t have fun? Did you see how many bitches were in there?”
“Yeah.”
“Yo, what about that fine-ass Italian broad I seen all in your face?”
“Man, these chicks out here are crazy. I’m married and she acts like she doesn’t even care. This ring means nothing?”
“Look, when have you ever known me to stop because of a ring? Girls are just the same. They don’t care. They look at it like, why are you at a club if not to meet them?”
“What, a man can’t go out without having to be on the hunt?”
“I’m just saying that some women like it more that you’re committed. It makes you look better. Why do you think I keep Tanya around? She makes me look good.”
“Man, that’s fucked up.”
“It’s the truth.”
“I guess. It’s just that this is bullshit. Why am I out here when I have a wife at home?”
“Correction, your wife is not at home.”
“You know what I mean. I got married because I was tired of all this...The fighting over petty shit...The clubs...The girls, but here I am. Man, there’s something wrong with my marriage.”
“You said it, not me.”
“So what am I supposed to do now?
“Well, what do you wanna do?”
“I wanna go home...Take my wife in my arms...Look at her...Tell I her fucked up...Kiss her...And make sure she knows this is it for me. She is it for me.”
“Shit, you’ve answered your own question.”
“I know. Why did I even think it was a good idea to go to a club with you anyways?”
“Man, please I don’t care what you say. I had a great fuckin’ time.”
“Well, I’m just worried about my wife right now. I need for things to be good between us.”
“You’ve gotta prove it to her, my friend.”
“I know...And I know just how to start.”

******************************************************************************

Stacy walks into her office. She sits down, turns her computer on and looks at the clock: 9:30 a.m. She puts her face in her hands and keeps them there until the alarm on her palm goes off reminding her of an 11 o’clock meeting. She starts checking her phone messages and as she’s starting on her emails, she’s interrupted by a knock on the door. She looks up to see a huge beautifully arranged bouquet of roses, red and white, and the delivery man hiding behind it. She gets up to help him and sign for it. After placing the bouquet on her desk, she takes a step back and stands there shaking her head and smiling at this massive show of affection. She goes over to the bouquet and reads the card, her face glowing with love and admiration from the words she’s reading. She kisses the card when she’s done, puts it in her desk and looks out her window off into the Monday morning traffic on the highway. She sits there in silence for a few minutes, then her phone rings.

“Hi, this is Stacy.”
“Hey. How are you?”
“Ohh, hi. I’m good. How are you?”
“I’m well. Did you get the flowers I sent?”
“Yes, I’m looking at them right now. Thanks, they’re beautiful.”
“My pleasure. Anything to put a smile on that face.”
“Last Friday night was pretty crazy, huh?”
“I don’t think it was crazy, I had a good time with you.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“You don’t sound like it.”
“Well, you know my situation is kinda difficult.”
“I know, but we’ll work through it. I’m not trying to come between you and him, I just wanna be with you.”
“I know. I just can’t imagine how he’ll react if he finds out. Remember what we went through when he first ran into you?”
“Baby, that was college, six years ago. People change.”
“You haven’t. I thought you’d given up on me six years ago, but here you are again. I know my husband, he hasn’t changed. That’s part of the problem with us now.”
“Hey, I loved you way before he was ever in the picture. You’re right, I haven’t changed. I loved you then and I still love you now.”
“You’re going to make it difficult, I know you are.”
“No, I won’t. I promise. I just want to be with you. I’ve already lost six years. You’re not going to push me away again, are you?”
“I’ve never stopped caring about you, but I’m not leaving Mike.”
“I’m not asking you to. Look, let’s just take it one day at a time. Ok?”
“Ok, fine. Look, I gotta go. My 11 o’clock is here.”
“Can I see you later, then?”
“Ummm...Sure.”
“What will you tell him?”
“We’re still not talking and he left a note on my briefcase this morning saying he was going out tonight.”
“Ok, I’ll pick you up from work at around six, then.”
“Ok...Ohhh...And Sophie?”
“Yes, sweetie?”
“I’m glad you called. I can’t wait to see you tonight.”
“I’m glad too. We’ve got some years to catch up on...I’ll see you later. I love you sweetie.”
“Love you more.”